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I dont know whether if i give you my pains and sacrifices they will mean anything to you. I have made hard choices some that i know will follow me to the grave, some am proud of and others remind me of great scars. I dont know how some aspects will be faced if i bring reality to my real world. If it is fighting a lonely battle i have made myself a warrior. But the things that i cant take back i will build confidence

so is life

Am sort of living in a lie now, but truth be said its like the first moment i feel complete about life. Am here because i have made another decision to make two of us and now expecting a three of us. If this isnt the true life i wanted then my prayers are still at birth and am still conceptualizing the future. so walk with me now and let me have confidence in what i do. stay with this soul as it gives its heartbeat to the warmth of life and the things that are to come with it. Am happy now.

same love

Today am changing my life, am making my future now. It is because of you that i have come here, I want you to see me fulfill my promise to you. I know it is not the pleasant moment for me to do this but I want it this way. And if you think its about what i want, i want you to envision yourself in my position.

So am making this sacrifice to make you know that you have always been in my heart. I don’t want to find any other person, it is you that i want. I know i have never promised you anything but today am making this promise to you.

I wanna be your protector, i wanna be the one to provide for you, i wanna be the one to love you. I want you to always trust in me, that even when you think am failing, i want you to be strong for me. Help me stand in you. Help me build my faith in you. And when you talk about forgiveness, Know that i have forgiven you, and i am going to forgive you again. I know this because I too am going to do you wrong. I will also want you to forgive me. Lets pray together when things are bad, but first of all i want to know if you are in it with me.

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Its 0400 am in the morning and i have decided to change my life, am i thought i can dream and dream and dream, but i am over that now, am now working. Am getting things done for me, What i have thought of myself i am becoming now, this is me again, reborn in consciousness.

 

mmmh

i should have kissed you tat moment before i knew this truth, when did we betray each other? I watched you grow and you became part of a lifetime. When did i stop to matter, why did you cover the sheets when they were wet. Why is my ego stuck in blank memories, why do i think you miss me when you don’t that you blast me with the worst. Pregnant and having a baby soon when i lay with you and kissed your throat, when you moaned of the pleasure and you made me grow weak in you. When you opened your thighs and allowed me in to buy my pride and keep the secret deeper. So i pushed it deeper in you that i fooled myself. so that night wont slip away. When i saw how love can set me a slave.

sweetness

I thought were where too deep in this, when i held your arm and cried with you and held you close. I thought i didn’t have a heart of my own because i was carried in you that it hurt this bad. i feel the words that you chock me with slowly killing me. But the love kept me hoping, when i didn’t want to give up and held on to prayers and faith. But yet am not saved.

So tell me again there is worse pain that i shall carry for you, There is secrets you will always keep away from me. I know i wont have to know every bit of you but didn’t i deserve it? I have taken rides in your sweetness so i don’t see the betrayal of my truth.

Am not perfect but i look for it. I don’t judge but i stay with an open mind. I don’t know what to think of myself or us, so in this chapter i see no us. See my heart happy with you molded in my blood, but you smile when you hurt it and i just watch. Am i a fool of you or am i just drunk of your goodness. So why did you teach me your sweetness?